the list

The reality of me leaving hit me square in the face today and it didn't feel too good. I think it is because ever since I knew I was going back to BG for 6 months, I started making a list of things I wanted to do before I left. Some are fun, like spending a morning in bed doing nothing or making sure I get a Shamrock shake from McDonald's, but others are meaningful. The top thing I wanted to do before I left, I finished on Saturday and now that it is done, I feel the reality of what this step of obedience means.

For those of you who don't know my best friend Amy, you are missing out. She is one of those people who I believe spent some extra time on when He knitted her together. Of course she is not perfect, but she is one of the most giving, compassionate people I have ever met. Plus, she is VERY funny and understands my humor as well. Well, Amy's office is not the most cheerful place and as a mom of 3 and a high school youth director, who gives so much of herself to others, I thought she needed a place to just "be". So when she left for Florida last week with her family, I completely made over her office. Along with the help of some great friends, the gray walls are a bright blue and the place is just peaceful. I am so happy how it turned out.

But now that the office is done, I feel like I have been hit by a truck. I am leaving for 6 months and the people that I care about will no longer be a phone call or car ride away. I know this time God is going to show me how much I need to cling to Him for strength and support, but I am going to miss my support system here. As I sat in church today, my heart sank. I only have a few more weeks to worship at Haven. I couldn't even sing tonight. I just put my head down, closed my eyes and listened to the worship that I have love to be apart of.

The office is done...
The list is getting smaller...
My heart is realizing what true obedience means...

22 days.

23 days

I have a ticket!!!!!

Yes, my friends, I have a place ticket and will be leaving for Africa 1 day earlier than planned. So, in 23 days I will head to Chicago, then New York, then Jo'burg then Bloemfontein where I will be greeted by some people from Beautiful Gate who will take me to Lesotho. It is going to be a few long days of travel, but I will be heading back to "my kids" at BG and a few days in a plane are worth it. PLUS...I will be able to see a friend and former pastor of mine Tim Spykstra, his daugther Anna and mom, Harriet and step dad, Bill. Bill, Harriet and Tim are a BIG part of BG and have provided a lot of direction and mentorship for the directors Ray and Sue.

Thank you all who have been praying that this would work out. God has provided, as He always does and I am excited to see what He wanted to me to learn through this new flight route. He already has taught and showed me that He alone will provide. The new flight plan was $300 more than the original, but there was nothing I could do about it. A few hours after booking the flight, a friend of mine came to me with a check for $300. She said it was the amount her and her husband decided on to donate and I was blown away. I couldn't even cry I was so overwhelmed by God showing up and saying, "do you trust me?" I just took a deep breath and said yes. He also provided through another friend using her hotel points to book a room for me in New York, because I have an overnight there. I am so grateful to everyone who has given, not only financially, but in their time to learn more about my trip. It has been just a blessing to sit down with people and show them the pictures and tell them the stories.

I just can't believe I will be leaving in 23 days. That is so soon. There are people that I am trying to avoid saying goodbye to, because it will be a very hard goodbye. BUT I can't wait to get back to the staff and children at BG. It is amazing how the 8 days I spent with them in October has changed my heart.

23 days...

this is going to be an incredible journey!!

Reminder...

Hello Readers.

I was doing really well during the past week, but then all the emotions that I had been bottling up, exploded out yesterday. It is funny how long you can convince yourself that you are "fine" when you are really not. I preserved through the crashed computer and purchased a new one, but I just couldn't fight through the pity party with the plane tickets. Yesterday, I received an email from my travel agent, who is working hard to help me, but is finding out there is no way I could fly the same route I had chosen without an overnight. She advise me looking in to flying through London, which should clear up the overnight. I would have an 8 hour lay over, but I wouldn't have to leave the airport. I just lost it. I was making high pitch squeals that only dogs could understand. I feel to my knees and as much as I want to say I start praying, I didn't, I started questioning. I questioned every thought I had, every feeling I experienced, every word someone said to me. I question if this was REALLY what God wanted for me. I composed myself and went to work just trying to ignore the situation that was happening. Today I woke up and prayed. I prayed for a renewed spirit. I prayed for God to take control in ways only He can. I prayed for peace. I prayed for this to be COMPLETELY released from my hands. I control nothing!!!

This morning my neighbor and dear friend Becky came over and handed me my reminder from God. Becky was gone last week, picking up her second daughter. A beautiful, six month old baby girl from Ethiopia. So for an hour, I sat holding Africa. I looked into Grace's eyes and I remembered why I am doing this. I prayed this morning and God then reminded of His grace through Grace.

It all comes down to fears. I was afraid yesterday that God forgot about me and I would never get to Africa. I feared I would never get back and see those precious children that have touched my life so deeply. Joyce Meyers puts it this way, "The truth is courageous people also feel fear, but they do it anyway! In fact there is no courage unless faced on a fearful situation. In order to find courage to receive a new thing from God, I just do it afraid."

Sometimes we have to just fight through the fear and do it. Yes, I have a fear that the same flight issues I had in October will happen again and I will get stuck somewhere and not know what to do. I fear the unknown. I fear the loss of control. I fear I will never get back to Africa, but I am going to go, knowing I will get there and but I might have to go afraid.

perseverance

I have always heard you must be doing something good, if you are feeling beat up. This has been a hard weekend, but one that has developed more perseverance and trust. Friday I received an email letting me know that one of my flight times was changed, which didn't allow me enough time between flights. Since "TIA" (see previous post for definition) all of my other flights had to be changed. So, as of Sunday night I have no flight to Africa. I was EXTREMELY frustrated after the email, but instead of staying frustrated I went to the Word. I was studying the great faith chapter Hebrews 11. I tried to put myself in the people's shoes listed in the chapter and decided that even if I have to build a boat in my yard in the middle of winter, I will get to Beautiful Gate.

The second frustration came today. While I was reading an email from Ray, the director of Beautiful Gate, my computer crashed. After talking with a few different people and realizing this is the second virus it has had in 6 months, I have made the decision that I need a new computer. I don't like this decision, because it means spending money that I don't know where it is going to come from. But the fact is the most "reliable" form of communication I will have in Africa is via the computer (email, Skype, Facebook and the blog) so going without one is not even a choice. When I asked BG what I should bring with me, a laptop was first on the list. So it is a purchase that has to be made.

I was talking with some great friends today about attitude. Usually when things like this happen I like to sit and pout and have a pity party. One of my friends was agreeing with me on how even though we are suppose to praise God when we are facing storms, sometimes sitting on the couch and dwelling on the negative feels better. Her husband was opposite from us. He said things happen for a reason and when something comes up that wasn't planned we should look to see where God is leading. I really want to have his attitude. Having a pity party, might feel good for a time, but is it, really?

Tomorrow as I try to book a new flight route, I am going to praise God for what He wants me to experience. Also as I try to work more hours at work to get some extra money for the computer, I am going to keep my eyes open to what God wants me to see. I am not saying I am no longer going to have pity parties, because sometimes we just need to, what I am saying is I am going to start acknowledging Christ as my King, who reigns over all and trust Him alone.

Contest!!!

Recently I was trying to figure out how to share my adventures in Africa to you blog readers in a way that doesn’t sound like every adult character on Charlie Brown, “wah wah wah wah wah.” I decided to take a friend along to help with the journey. I would like to say this was my idea, but I need to give credit to my friend Karebear Lubbers, who did the same thing on her trip to Uganda and hopefully will publish her stories because they are great. So throughout my 6 months at Lesotho you will hear updates from me and my perspective as well as updates from my friend and the adventures he has been on.

Here is the contest…my friend needs a name. As you can see my friend is a nice fluffy puppy who loves to be cuddled and loved. I am sure my friend will enjoy it’s time with the children at Beautiful Gate, because there will be so many children to love on it.

You can submit your names to my email, christina.terpstra@gmail.com with the subject "name my friend". I will then pick a winner and my friend will have a name. And yes, there will be a prize for the winner.

Tumello

Thanks you all for your prayers and support. I know that moving to another continent isn't going to be easy, but I can't wait. I am at the point where I am tired of planning. I just want to go. I want to be peace at Beautiful Gate. I want to bring joy.

When I was in Lesotho in October I asked my friend Edward, who lives in Lesotho and works at BG, if I could have a Besotho name. I wanted to be apart of Lesotho, the people, the culture. I wanted to belong. For a female, your name changes after you have your first child. After your child is born your name changes to M'e ma... (which means mother of and then your child's name). Since I am not a mom I was curious what my name would be. He came back the next day and named me M'e maTumello. Mother of Faith.

Who knew that that name would cause me to act. Through this whole process I have redefined the word faith. For me faith is living life without knowing the details. Faith is stepping out and acting when God calls you to. It could mean moving to another country to serve. It could mean giving up your shoes for those who don't have them. It could mean fasting from going out to eat and taking that money and giving it to those who need help. It could mean adopting a child. Faith is doing things that make other people say "what?"

I want to encourage you friends, to step, leap, jump into God's plan. It is so freeing. Yes is it stretching and will cause you to sacrifice but in sacrificing you...will...be...blessed.

What's in a name?

tense?

There has been some tense moments this week. Nothing too major that relates to Africa directly, just moments when you look to God and say, "am I really strong enough for this?" I have had 2 conversations with people this week that make we want to scream at the ridiculous things they have said.

Our world, right now is at war and I am fired up!!!! There are babies dying. There are people who have gone days without food or water. There is a family standing over some one's bed as their life support is being shut off. What is the church doing about it? Really?!?!

In my last post I encouraged you all to seek out the part that God has chosen for you to play. What is your role in the family? We all have one. Now do you believe enough to take up that role, to take up your cross and follow God. Do you know that you know, that you know, that you know, that God is who is says He is and will come like He said He will come? My hope is that from now on I can let the tense conversations flow in one ear and out the other. I don't want them to settle in ANY part on my mind, heart or body. I don't want to be distracted from my role. I have a role to play. I believe enough. I am being sent to Africa, and I am going.

Why?

Because God is who is says He is and He will come like He said.

After a drive with my best friend tonight I walked in the house trying to make sense of the week. My friend always has a way of speaking the truth to me, even when I don't want to hear it. I opened the door to the house walked in and started singing a song that I haven't sung in a while. May you be blessed by our great God as you take up your cross and follow HIm alone.

God is bigger than, the air I breathe, the world I leave.

God will save the day and all will say, "My Glorious."