Reminder...

Hello Readers.

I was doing really well during the past week, but then all the emotions that I had been bottling up, exploded out yesterday. It is funny how long you can convince yourself that you are "fine" when you are really not. I preserved through the crashed computer and purchased a new one, but I just couldn't fight through the pity party with the plane tickets. Yesterday, I received an email from my travel agent, who is working hard to help me, but is finding out there is no way I could fly the same route I had chosen without an overnight. She advise me looking in to flying through London, which should clear up the overnight. I would have an 8 hour lay over, but I wouldn't have to leave the airport. I just lost it. I was making high pitch squeals that only dogs could understand. I feel to my knees and as much as I want to say I start praying, I didn't, I started questioning. I questioned every thought I had, every feeling I experienced, every word someone said to me. I question if this was REALLY what God wanted for me. I composed myself and went to work just trying to ignore the situation that was happening. Today I woke up and prayed. I prayed for a renewed spirit. I prayed for God to take control in ways only He can. I prayed for peace. I prayed for this to be COMPLETELY released from my hands. I control nothing!!!

This morning my neighbor and dear friend Becky came over and handed me my reminder from God. Becky was gone last week, picking up her second daughter. A beautiful, six month old baby girl from Ethiopia. So for an hour, I sat holding Africa. I looked into Grace's eyes and I remembered why I am doing this. I prayed this morning and God then reminded of His grace through Grace.

It all comes down to fears. I was afraid yesterday that God forgot about me and I would never get to Africa. I feared I would never get back and see those precious children that have touched my life so deeply. Joyce Meyers puts it this way, "The truth is courageous people also feel fear, but they do it anyway! In fact there is no courage unless faced on a fearful situation. In order to find courage to receive a new thing from God, I just do it afraid."

Sometimes we have to just fight through the fear and do it. Yes, I have a fear that the same flight issues I had in October will happen again and I will get stuck somewhere and not know what to do. I fear the unknown. I fear the loss of control. I fear I will never get back to Africa, but I am going to go, knowing I will get there and but I might have to go afraid.