Wednesday, December 22, 2010

New Life

Lately I have been thinking about "new life." You see, I have 2 big changes that are going to happen to me in the month of January, that will bring a lot of newness to my routine and outlook on life.

First, for the past few months I have had some health concerns arise. I have been able to "semi" hide it, but for the past 2 weeks that is not the case. I will try and make this short. 3 and a half years ago I had a large cyst on one of my ovaries that had to be surgically removed. I was told because of my age and health, that there was only a 10% chance it would come back. 2 years later, I found myself in the 10% and had another one just as big removed, but once again was told, I should be fine. A few months ago, I felt another one coming back. Because of some insurances issues, I had to wait a little while before I could have it checked out. My original doctor was very full and couldn't see me until February, so I did a lot of research and changed doctors. Monday I had an appointment with him and God's peace filled the room. He did some tests and we sat down for an hour and talked through my family history, my health history and my options. We both agreed that the best way to treat my case was to do a hysterectomy. I know it sounds pretty extreme, but if you have seen me the past 2 weeks you could tell the amount of pain I was living in and I was done with it. So surgery is schedule for January 12.

When I tell people about the surgery, they usually feel very sorry for me. I have to be honest, I am doing really well right now. God's peace has filled my heart and I know that this is best. I am sure there might be a day when all I want to do is destroy something, because of the brokenness I feel, but until then, I am living in the peace that surpasses our "flesh" thinking. People have been asking how it makes me feel, knowing I will never physically give birth to a child. The only thing I can say is that it makes me sadder thinking of the 46 kids I left at Beautiful Gate, some of whom are still waiting for their families, than for me to not physically have a child. Looking with my "big picture" eyes, I can see that one of the many reasons I spent 4 months in Africa was to see and become passionate about the beautiful picture of adoption. I will never have a child grow inside of me, but there are 46 kids who live in my heart, that I would love to find homes for.

Another change, is that I am going back to school. WHAT?!?!? I know shocking. I never liked school and studying never came easy for me, but God has placed some passions in my heart and I need to learn how to put them into practice. I will attending Grace Bible College pursuing my bachelor's degree in Church Leadership and Ministry. For many years, I always felt lead to youth ministry, but since being back from Africa, I am feeling directed in a different way. What that is I am not exactly sure of, but I pray these classes will help me discover that.

Good thing all my classes are online, because school starts 2 weeks after my surgery and the only thing I will be wearing at that point are very comfy clothes.

I appreciate all your prayers support through these changes. The best thing I have learned through the past few weeks (and years) is that we may go through changes, but Jesus never changes. He is the same today as He was the day I was born. He is the same today as He was when I was a mom in Africa and He will be the same when I walk through surgery and the long hours of studying. God is good...ALL THE TIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

May you rediscover the goodness and newness of Christ this Holiday season!!!!!!