Trust...12 New Children

I am not even sure how to write this blog post, but I want you all to know what reality is for us at BG right now.  Yesterday the government deemed 2 care centers unfit to take care of their children.  The children were sent all over the country based upon need or care, age and who had room.  In the morning we received a call and told them we could take 4 children.  It would be very tight, but we could make it work.  By 2pm the government called and said they had 9 children and were hoping we could take them.  A little while later, 9 became 12.

The house mothers sat down with the management staff and talked about what this would mean.  If we took the 12 children, we would be at 71 kids.  Way more than we like to hold, but how do you turn away children?  The house mothers amaze me! They never discussed if we should take the children or not, they only discussed how to make it work.

At 10pm, the government van drove up.  The house mothers and volunteers quickly started taking children and bringing them to their house.  I grabbed a small child and kept telling her, this place was safe and she didn't have to be afraid.  I am not sure if she understand or not, but I hope she did.  After baths and some food, the children went to bed.  At this point in time we still didn't know their names or situations.  For me, it was scary.  I tried to put myself in the child's spot.  It was dark and way past the bed time for a 2 to 4 year old.  They road in the van for a while, so they were tired and hungry.  What were they feeling and thinking as they pulled up to BG and here was a group of people taking them, cleaning them and giving them new clothes and food.  I was scared for them.

After all the children were checked in and tucked in for the night, I sat down and literally my heart hurt.  What just happened?  How do 12 scared, tired children live through a night like this?  The scary thing is what have they lived through before?  Not only was I scared for them, but I questioned if I could do this job.  I love this job and know this is where God has me, but I wasn't sure how much more my heart could take.  How do I care for these children when my heart hurts so much, I couldn't even describe it?

In 2009, I came to Lesotho very naive.  I prayed that God would "Break my heart for the things that break His."  That was a dangerous thing to do.  My heart is broken and hurting.  I am not even sure how to process what I went through, and I wasn't a child that was brought in.  My friend Anita, came out to where I was and we talked.  We talked, we cried, we prayed and we trusted.  We trusted that God has a way and we need to be obedient to it.  I thought I had experienced the broken heart before, but it seems everyday I am here, God continues to break it a little bit more.  I trust and know that when I get to Heaven, it will be whole again and life will make sense.  Until then, I am going to trust that through my broken heart, I can bring love, hope and trust to not only the 12 new children at BG, but the 71 children who we care for and the many more that will come through our doors.  Not only will I care for them, but I will strive to raise the funds needed for their care.  I pray that I can shine God's love to them and the staff here at BG.  I have decided to help out more, to work longer days and to keep encouraging the amazing staff of people I work with to continue to love these children like their own.  I have decided that while I am here, I will trust God, no matter what comes my way.