Attachment

On everyone of my trips to Lesotho, I pray that I would not get attached to any specific child at BG, but love them all the same.  Every trip, my pray goes unanswered.  I don't pray the prayer, because I don't want to love the kids, I pray that prayer, because I feel my heart cannot take anymore goodbyes.  I have been attached to a lot of kids since 2009, some more than others, but each has had their own little spark that has grabbed onto my heart with a death grip.  Some of these kids I have been able to see with their families, others I haven't, but my heart still loves them and prayers for them.

At the beginning of this trip I was doing really well with the attachment stuff.  I loved all the children at BG and loved their own individual personalities.  I loved how some loved to tackle me and others loved to just cuddle.  I loved how some sang every song very loudly and how others just stared off into the distance during the singing.  But then March came...

During March one of our little guys was very sick.  He was in the hospital twice for pneumonia and had lost a significant amount of weight.  No matter what any doctor or nurse tried, he couldn't get better.  By the middle of March, the nurses at BG came up with the idea of giving the house mother a break from him during the nightly feedings.  He struggled to eat and it took a long time to get him to eat and keep down the appropriate amount of food.  I volunteered to take him over night and work on his feedings.  The whole month of April, I was very sleep deprived.  Feedings every 2 hours, which took about an hour to get him to keep the food down and then get him back to sleep, only to wake him up in 45 minutes to get him to eat again.  When we started the program he was 3.9kg (8.5lbs) at 5 months of age.  After a month of feeding and new medications he was up to 4.5kg (9.9lbs).  With every 100 grams he gained we celebrated.  He did get sick during April and was in the hospital again for a few days, but he was able to get the right medications and it seemed to help.  Every night his hand that out portioned his body would wrap itself around my fingers.  I knew what to do to calm him down.  I knew when things were not right with him.  I knew when he was fussy, a little guitar playing could calm him down.  Around campus some of the staff have changed my name to "mother of" and then his name.  A few times I would snuggle him inside my jacket or fleece vest and walk around campus with him.  He loved it and so did I.  On Monday, I went in to snuggle with him, (since we don't do the nightly feedings anymore) and I knew he wasn't feeling well.  His big bright smile that would light up the room when I walked into it, never appeared.  My little guy was sick again.  Today the BG nurse took him in to be checked.  In a matter of a week, he had lost a lot of weight.  He is now back down to 4.0kgs.

Friends, my heart is so full of fear right now.  This little man that has woven his way DEEP within my heart is sick and there is nothing I can do.  The hospital says he is dehydrated and after a few days of IV treatment he will be better.  When I heard the dehydrated word, my heart stopped.  The last child we buried was in the very same hospital for dehydration.  I hate that my mind has been spinning all afternoon with fear and doubt.  I fear his casket will be the next one I see at the bottom of a hole.  I fear it is his name that will be etched onto a black plaque and placed on the wall.  Please pray with me friends that God will prove my fears wrong!!! Please pray that he will not only get the care he needs to get better, but someone, a doctor, a nurse, anyone will have the answer we need to the questions about his care.  Why is his body failing him?  Why has he been hospitalized 5 times since February?  Why can't he gain and keep on weight? 

Father please heal and protect my boy tonight.  Please bring him back to BG, to the family that loves him and cares for him.  Lord even though fear and doubt are screaming in my ear, please prove them wrong and heal his little body.  Lord may he be a HUGE witness to your power and might.  Lord if it is your will that his life will be short here on earth, please give me the peace to know that my little guy is with you and is more alive than he ever was here on earth.  Amen.