“Don’t be afraid;
just believe.”
Mark 5:36
Fear has a way of controlling who we are.
Fear has a way of clouding our “lens” to the things around
us.
Fear has a way of stealing our joy.
The past few days I have thought about fear. On Friday we
received a new child. This child came to us scared. Their eyes showed the fear,
there was no hiding it. The crying and tears that ran down their face, proved
that everything at BG, the staff, the children, the volunteers, were all too
much and this child was very overwhelmed by it all.
Friday morning, a team from the United States arrived to
serve a week at BG. I could tell that this team just added to the child’s fear
so in the afternoon when all the children were out playing with the team
members, Tyler, Bryan and I took some time to just hold this precious child in
our arms. Once we held them close to our body, the crying stopped. The child’s
eyes were still wide and trying to take everything in, but while they were
held, the world was a little safer.
Saturday, the team, Tyler and I went to Semonkong, a village
in high up in the mountains of Lesotho. I have to say it is one of the prettiest
drives someone could take. Not only do you see true Lesotho living, but at the
end you get to see a beautiful waterfall. (Due to the drought the fall is not
as big as normal, but it is still beautiful.) As we were driving someone in my
car asked if things, like this drive, were bittersweet, because I new my time
at BG is coming to a close. This struck up the “million dollar” question and I
was asked, “What is next?” We didn’t talk about it for a long time, but through
the twists and turns of the road on the way back to BG, my mind started soaking
in the mountains and thoughts of “what is next?” Normally, a situation of
uncertainty can be a big trigger for fear. We are taught to care for ourselves
and know who to provide, but when there is nothing in the future, how does one
do that?
Trust.
Trust is a word, just like fear, that can trigger emotions
in a person. For me as I drove through the mountains, I felt an extreme peace,
because I trust and know that the Lord has a “next” for me. I didn’t look at the
drive as sadness or a “last” but as a blessing. The Lord gited me with an
amazing opportunity to serve others and soak up more of His presence. The past
few years have been one of the biggest blessings in my life. I want to
celebrate them. I want to look at them with joy. I do not know yet what is next,
but I know it is there and at the right time, He will reveal it. And before
that time comes, I do not want to miss the “now” because I am fearful of the “next.”
Trusting is hard. Like the new child on our campus, they had
to learn to trust us as safe people who will love and care for them. Along the journey
of trust there are moments when fear can rise in you and you have to choose
what to do. I am not a master at the lesson of fear verse trust. There are
moments my trust feels strong, and then there are moments when fear creeps in and
I wonder, “what is next?” In those moments I cling to the truths Jesus spoke in
Mark 5:36 “Do not be afraid, just believe.” The Lord is whispering in our ears
all day long, “I am with you. I am for you. I have a plan.” He is wrapping His
arms around us when the fear overtakes us and takes away our trust.
One thing that the Lord has been telling me, is that if you
have fear, it doesn’t mean you do not have faith or that your faith is weak. It
more is the Lord revealing areas in your life where you need to stop and seek
His face and allow His voice to louder than the fear. It is not an easy thing
to do, but as I have learned, when you do see His face instead of the fear, He
shows you the beauty in the mountains and then gives you someone that will sit
with you as learn to trust.
