Flat or Filled

Yesterday, I woke up ready to face the day. I had a few things on my schedule, but for the most part it was pretty easy day. In the afternoon I went to run some errands, when I left the store I discover, my car had a very flat tire. Let's face it there was no air in it at all. Normally, this would pretty much tick me off. Doesn't my tire know I have places to go and people to see and stuff to get done. I can't just be sitting around waiting for this to get fixed. But yesterday was different. In the morning I spent time reading verses about being still before the Lord. When I picked up my phone to call the tow truck I saw it was 3:45p. I smiled as I felt God's calm rushing over me. The tire was no accidental flat. God needed me to be still. 

A friend of mine was in an appointment at the same time I was waiting in a parking lot for a tow truck. For an hour and a half I was able to sit and pray them through what they were facing. People were texting me asking if I needed a ride, but I was good. I was spending time with my Abba, serving those that needed His strength. After an hour and a half the tow truck came and took me to the tire shop. The best part about it all is I only needed a plug/patch and they didn't even charge me. One more thing that pointed to the tire being flat at that specific time for a specific reason. 

In life there are many things that can knock the wind out of our sails. For me it was a tire. I had a choice. I could let the anxiety and anxiousness overwhelm me and end up getting ticked off, or I could be still. Lately I chose anxiety, but yesterday there wasn't a doubt in my mind why my tire was flat. God needed to still me, so I could serve from my knees. 

Friends, each day we are face with choices. My prayer for you in that you in those moments you choose to be still. It isn't easy, and I will be the first one to tell you I am not good at it, but being still is best. In being still, you are given moments to place your hands before the Lord, completely empty and He will take that offering and fill them. In our moments of "flatness" we cannot only be filled, but overfilled with the peace of Christ. And not only for ourselves, but for others as well. 

"Be still and KNOW that I am God." Psalm 46:10

"please"

I have been sitting on this post for a few weeks now. I will be honest, there are moments in which it is hard to write about my life and job. It is hard to put into words the thoughts and emotions that I have, but I want to share a story with you all and then present you a way to help.

My last day at BG was full of so many emotions. There was the goodbye ceremony, which is always hard for me. The staff are given a time to speak and to hear how much they love and appreciate me is very overwhelming. Then there was the celebration lunch which included great conversation and delicious food served from the back of a car. The afternoon was full of serving the team that was there as well as soaking in every second I could with the kids. I sat on the garden and snuggled with two of "my" boys. It was a very special time with them. As we were sitting there laughing and enjoying each other, one of them looked right into my eyes and said, "I love you soooo much." My heart leaped with joy and sorrow. I hurt knowing that these little guys would not be sitting on my lap the next day and that my arms would feel so empty, but I also knew that God was speaking through him to say, your life will be different, but it doesn't matter, I love you so much. There was peace in that moment. Peace in the stillness of saying goodbye.

One to the traditions at BG is whenever a volunteer leaves, all the other volunteers share a meal. Before we all left for dinner, I went through all the houses to give the kids a goodnight kiss and hug. While in one house I was spending a little extra time with one of our oldest boys. He and I had a special relationship. Because he was older, the social worker asked me to take him on random trips to town, to just expose him to grocery stores and the outside world. Through these trips, his trust for me grew immensely. As he was sitting on my lap and we were talking about cars, his house mother walked through the room and told him I would be leaving the next day. His looked changed. His eyes filled with tears and his face dropped. I started telling him how much Jesus loved him and how much he was loved at BG. He then looked deep into my eyes and said, "Please, I go to America with you. Please." My heart sank for many reasons. First the Basotho culture rarely says please. They don't have a word that directly translates to it. I have been working on it with him and some of the other kids. For him to use it twice in one sentence was huge. Our time together had weight. Then my heart broke because I know how badly he wants a family. He is older and because of this he goes to a different school than the preschoolers. He sees children and their families. He knows he is different. I wanted so badly in that moment to pick him up and take him with me. I wanted so badly to make the hole in his life filled. I wanted to fix it. But I can't. The very hard thing for me, was I couldn't even tell him that I would see him again, because I don't know. I have told that to kids before to help them and me work through my leaving, only to find they have left BG before I got back. I just couldn't give him false hope again. That night I went to dinner with the other volunteers with a heavy heart. His cry for help echoed through my mind.

I wish you could be here buddy. I really do. I know you are safe at BG and being loved so much by the staff and volunteers. I have know doubt that when I left your day didn't change. You are loved by your house mothers and special friends, but I also know how much you want a family. Keep believing, one day you will understand that you are a part of a huge family and your Abba loves you with a love that will never let you down.

There are so many children like this at BG. Kids waiting for a family. I also know that there are families all over the world who desperately want a child from Lesotho to love. Please join me in praying for both sides of adoption. Each has it's own wait. Each has it's own heartache. Each side is hard, but in the waiting there are moments when you hear God's voice and He says, "I love you so much."

If you know someone on either side of adoption, please send them a note today and let them know that there are other people waiting with them.

Dancing

I am back in da mitten. I landed Thursday after two great days of travel and hit the ground running right away. My plane touched down at 10:30 and I had a hair cut at 2, that has to be a record.

Currently my head is spinning with Michigan life, but all is well. I am enjoying seeing friends and family and being back with my 4 legged pal Joey. The last week at BG flew by. I was excited to fill my days with a team from Cross Point Church in Chino, California. The team was full of hard working servants. They did whatever needed to be done in record time, including painting a building in 4 hours. There are many things that stand out with this team, but the most was without a doubt the spiritual maturity of the team members. My favorite time was sitting with them in the evenings and hearing their heart's process what they were doing. They truly reminded why I do what I do. Thank you Cross Point. I am excited to see you guys in September where we can continue the journey. Whip it!!!!

I was excited that I made it home in time for my friend Leah's wedding Saturday. It was a picture perfect day on Mackinaw Island. What a day of celebration!!! I was nervous as I got to the island because I was so tired and I didn't know how I was going through the day, but then I saw my friend Leah and my heart filled with joy for her. After our "hello" I no longer was tired, but excited for whatever the day included. Which included lots of laughter and dancing. At the reception, Leah and I owned the dance floor. All those nights of dance parties in our pjs paid off because we had moves BETTER THAN JAGERS!!!!!!!

Today as I sit and think about what the Lord requires of us, I think back to Saturday. It is easy to see what the Lord wants. He wants us to be with those we love and dance through life. There will be days when your head spins and you don't know what to do, but you need to find moments to dance. You need to find moments to let go and just breathe.

Transition isn't easy. I can't even begin to explain how empty my arms feel and how I long to just hold a child right now, but I am pressing on, because the Lord wants me to dance. Right now I feel like I need to take time to be the child and rest in my Abba's arms.