I have really been enjoying my time back at home. My days are filled with meeting with supporters of BG and of me. I love being able to sit down and share with people the stories that I have been able to be a part of. I am so thankful for the journey the God has me on. I pray it is His story and His love that people see and experience whenever I am with them.
I know I have said this before, but I truly feel like I live in 2 different places. My heart is happy to be here and see those I missed, but my mind is always wondering what is going on in Lesotho. For the most part, I am doing okay with it. A few days ago my nephew Jake asked me if we could go and do something, just him, me and his siblings. It was funny to me how he said that he wanted to be with me without mom and dad or grandpa and grandma. We had a fun afternoon together and I soaked up all the cuddles and love that they each gave me. It is moments like this that Make me glad to be back. But then after dropping them off, I got an email from a volunteer at BG. It was a good email that contained 3 precious pictures of the little guy at BG that I love so much. My heart rejoiced in seeing him smile and laughing, but I was also very sad. Does he remember me? Does he remember the many sleepless nights he and I had together? Does he remember the moments I would work with him on getting him to pull himself up and stand while holding my hands? You see friends, living in 2 different places is good, because I get to see those I love on both sides of the world as well as serve God by sharing His love to those I meet. But living on 2 different sides of the world is also hard, because I feel like I am never fully present in either spot. My heart and my mind are forever separated.
Life lately is good. I have been able to sit and reflect a lot about my time in Lesotho and prepare myself for sharing BG with those I meet. On August 2, the Geurinks and I take off for a 3 week speaking tour out west. I know God is going before me and the Geurinks and paving the way for us to share His broken heart for the beautiful children at BG.
Thursday, July 25, 2013
Wednesday, July 17, 2013
Absent
How does someone love for the other side of the world?
This is a question that people have asked me over the past few weeks, and one that I have asked myself a lot the past 2 days. I am enjoying my time at home. I love meeting with people and sharing my stories and watching them experience the love that I have felt of the past six months. I love spending time getting things ready to make the presentations I will do memorable and heartfelt. Through it all there is one question that I have a hard time answering. How do I love from over here?
Of course, there is the financial love that people send that is a very important part of BG's ministry. Without your gifts, our kids would not have food, water, caregivers, houses, nurses, and the list goes on and on. Without your sacrifice, they would not be alive. Your donations are providing them life. But what if you want to do more than just write a check. How do you show love then?
Yesterday I got an email from a volunteer at BG telling me that "my" little guy is back in the hospital with pneumonia...again. It physically hurt to read the email. I wanted to jump on a plane and so I could snuggle him in my arms. I wanted to some how, some way give him love. I wanted to hear his coos and look into his strong eyes that shine with his strong determination to fight what ever comes his way. But I couldn't do any of those things. All I could do was...
PRAY.
I prayed for his little body that has gone through so much.
I prayed for our loyal staff member who has been with him 24/7 for the last month.
I prayed for the hospital staff.
I prayed for his healing.
I prayed.
Through my praying, I loved. I shed tears as I pleaded with God to bring His healing power to the little guys body. I wrestled with the "why again" feeling and kept praying. Today as I served in the community, I prayed. My mind was focused on his care and his little body. While praying, I let go of control (because I can't control anything) and I surrendered. While praying I humbled myself, knowing my abilities are not going to make this little guy better, but I do know the One who can. While praying, I loved.
Friends, not everyone is called to get on a plane and fly to Africa. (In fact there are some people from Africa who have been called to fly to America and spread God's news to the people here.) There is , however, one thing that we are all called to do and that is love. By loving, we are surrendering to God's will and accepting His outcome. By loving we are letting go of us and grabbing onto God.
I can't fix this little guy, but I can love. I may not be able to physically be by his side, but everywhere I go, I can pray.
Where in your life is God calling you to love?
Where in your life is God calling you to give?
Where in your life is God calling you to pray?
Where is your life is God calling you to let go of the control and let Him lead?
This is a question that people have asked me over the past few weeks, and one that I have asked myself a lot the past 2 days. I am enjoying my time at home. I love meeting with people and sharing my stories and watching them experience the love that I have felt of the past six months. I love spending time getting things ready to make the presentations I will do memorable and heartfelt. Through it all there is one question that I have a hard time answering. How do I love from over here?
Of course, there is the financial love that people send that is a very important part of BG's ministry. Without your gifts, our kids would not have food, water, caregivers, houses, nurses, and the list goes on and on. Without your sacrifice, they would not be alive. Your donations are providing them life. But what if you want to do more than just write a check. How do you show love then?
Yesterday I got an email from a volunteer at BG telling me that "my" little guy is back in the hospital with pneumonia...again. It physically hurt to read the email. I wanted to jump on a plane and so I could snuggle him in my arms. I wanted to some how, some way give him love. I wanted to hear his coos and look into his strong eyes that shine with his strong determination to fight what ever comes his way. But I couldn't do any of those things. All I could do was...
PRAY.
I prayed for his little body that has gone through so much.
I prayed for our loyal staff member who has been with him 24/7 for the last month.
I prayed for the hospital staff.
I prayed for his healing.
I prayed.
Through my praying, I loved. I shed tears as I pleaded with God to bring His healing power to the little guys body. I wrestled with the "why again" feeling and kept praying. Today as I served in the community, I prayed. My mind was focused on his care and his little body. While praying, I let go of control (because I can't control anything) and I surrendered. While praying I humbled myself, knowing my abilities are not going to make this little guy better, but I do know the One who can. While praying, I loved.
Friends, not everyone is called to get on a plane and fly to Africa. (In fact there are some people from Africa who have been called to fly to America and spread God's news to the people here.) There is , however, one thing that we are all called to do and that is love. By loving, we are surrendering to God's will and accepting His outcome. By loving we are letting go of us and grabbing onto God.
I can't fix this little guy, but I can love. I may not be able to physically be by his side, but everywhere I go, I can pray.
Where in your life is God calling you to love?
Where in your life is God calling you to give?
Where in your life is God calling you to pray?
Where is your life is God calling you to let go of the control and let Him lead?
Friday, July 12, 2013
America
I have been back in Michigan for a week now and I have to say there are moments I feel completely lost. Overall, I am enjoying my time here and loving the opportunities I have had to share my experience with others. Seeing family and friends who show genuine love for my returning has been awesome. Being able to worship at Haven on Sunday was an indescribable experience. As I stood in front of the church and read from the Bible, I looked up and saw the faces of people who have supported me, encouraged me and wrapped their arms around me in love. I have never been a person that has been uncomfortable speaking in large groups of people, but on Sunday morning when I looked up at the faces filled with love, my heart began to race and tears filled my eyes. In that moment, I was home.
People have been asking me how the transition is going, and for the most part it is okay. I do have moments, when I get very anxious and overwhelmed by everything around me and just want to become a hermit for awhile, but I am praying through those moments and God is giving me strength. In Lesotho, when you are having a conversation with someone, a lot of times you hold their hand to show that you are connected to them and focused on what they are saying. There have been moments in Michigan when I have wanted to just hold someone's hand so I could feel that connection again. Another thing I miss are the 73 pairs of hands that would reach up to me and want to be held. I am discovering that I love being around people that have children, just to hear their laughter and little voices.
One huge blessing I have right now is the place I live. Two very dear friends of mine demolished their basement and built me a space that is full of love. When you open the door to go down to it you are greeted by the beautiful eyes of "my" little guy as his picture is hanging on the wall. There are also pictures of other children that are hanging around the room and every time I look at them, I am motivated to keep on sharing their stories. Their voices need to be heard. The space is so safe, and calming. In the moments when I feel overcome by the world, I go down there and my whole body relaxes. I can never begin to express of special this space is and how great it feels to still live in community with people who understand the call God places on your live.
Overall, it is good to be back. Of course there are things that get overwhelming, but seeing those around me that love me and cheer me on everyday is a great way to build me up right before I start traveling and speaking. I am ready for the next step of the journey. I want to share the stories of the children and staff and show the world how beautiful Beautiful Gate is.
People have been asking me how the transition is going, and for the most part it is okay. I do have moments, when I get very anxious and overwhelmed by everything around me and just want to become a hermit for awhile, but I am praying through those moments and God is giving me strength. In Lesotho, when you are having a conversation with someone, a lot of times you hold their hand to show that you are connected to them and focused on what they are saying. There have been moments in Michigan when I have wanted to just hold someone's hand so I could feel that connection again. Another thing I miss are the 73 pairs of hands that would reach up to me and want to be held. I am discovering that I love being around people that have children, just to hear their laughter and little voices.
One huge blessing I have right now is the place I live. Two very dear friends of mine demolished their basement and built me a space that is full of love. When you open the door to go down to it you are greeted by the beautiful eyes of "my" little guy as his picture is hanging on the wall. There are also pictures of other children that are hanging around the room and every time I look at them, I am motivated to keep on sharing their stories. Their voices need to be heard. The space is so safe, and calming. In the moments when I feel overcome by the world, I go down there and my whole body relaxes. I can never begin to express of special this space is and how great it feels to still live in community with people who understand the call God places on your live.
Overall, it is good to be back. Of course there are things that get overwhelming, but seeing those around me that love me and cheer me on everyday is a great way to build me up right before I start traveling and speaking. I am ready for the next step of the journey. I want to share the stories of the children and staff and show the world how beautiful Beautiful Gate is.
Saturday, July 6, 2013
Home
I made it home Tuesday evening after 36 hours of travel. Each second was worth it when I think about the last 6 months at BG. Currently I am relaxing and moving into a new apartment. (Relaxing and moving are a hard combination to do, but I can figure it out.)
Thank you all for your prayers. I will continue to blog along the journey, so please keep following.
Thank you all for your prayers. I will continue to blog along the journey, so please keep following.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)