Transition

It is that time of year again folks. The time of year where my head does weird coping mechanisms to try and prove to my heart that I just need to put my head down, do the work and then get on the plane. It is a very hard thing to explain the process that happens every six months. Right now, other than 2 teams, 95% of the work I do is related to my time in North America. For example sending emails to answer questions regarding how to plan a 5K, planning out presentations, making a promo video, booking presentations, flights, etc. All that stuff makes me dream of being in Michigan, so that is when my head starts telling my heart I need to distant myself from everyone here, because it makes the goodbye process easier. If I just put my head down and work in the office all day or at home, then I won't get closer to people and it won't suck as much to say goodbye. I mean really how much could they miss me, most people don't understand my role at BG and think I just go and come back every 6 months. But then my heart says, "You KNOW you really love these kids. You KNOW you really care for the staff" and I remember that any amount of distancing myself never makes the process easier it only makes people upset at me.

The past two days I have been sick and it hasn't been fun. I think everything that we have been facing here finally caught up to me and my physical body said NO MORE!! It isn't fun laying in bed, when you hear the love and laughter of children out the window and you can't play with them or when you hear the other volunteers raving about how good the food is they are eating that just so happened to come from your favorite "restaurant." It is great to be a part of a team that helps each other out in situations like this. I am so grateful that Bryan, Anita and Tyler have been leading the Holland Christian team for me, but it also is tough missing out moments with the team and evening worship times. Through it all I have been reminded that once I leave BG, life still goes on. Teams still come, videos are still made, photos are taken and nothing skips a beat. It is not an easy time, so then I try and focus on Michigan and the good that happens when I see family and friends and I get to worship at my home church. But then my head fills with all the other things that happen while I am home. The amount of traveling that takes place and the new fund raising goals I have for myself that will take a lot of time and energy. Then my heart starts to race because I know that while I have been in Lesotho, life continued to go on in Michigan and when I get home it doesn't mean I will be invited to everything, because sometimes people forget I am home. So then I lay in bed and think of all the things I can do in Michigan to better serve BG and try not to connect to the people there so that in 5 months all this thinking won't occur again. It makes my heart race because it is then 2am and I can't turn my brain off.

Home is a weird term for me now. I really don't know where it is. I know that Heaven is my true home, but there are moments that my earthly body would like a place to settle and not have to live with a suit case always out. But then I remember how easily the children's hands fit right into mine and how the staff trust me with stories about their families and my heart remembers the joy in what I do in Lesotho. And I also remember how great it is to share BG with people in North America and have time with my nephews and nieces as well as be able to worship at my home church and enjoy everything that is North America. So every 5 months I have a few weeks of hard transition and then I get on a plane and try to remain obedient to God's call, even though it means I live in two different worlds at the same time. Over the past few months I have had to tell myself to be still, to not let my emotions and thoughts overtake the reason I know why I have been chosen for this job. In being still I know that God is God (Psalm 46:10) and that He is fighting for me (Exodus 14:14) but I still have moments when all I want to do is run and hide from saying goodbye even though I know there are hellos on the other side of the plane ride.

It is tough, but in the end I know that I have an army praying my through the tough transitions and that makes it a little easier. Thank you all for praying me through the next few weeks.