Anticipation

As I sit in my living room right now and look out on the back yard, my mind is filled with wonder. Wonder that God has beautifully allowed ice to form on the trees, so that the snow that followed would perfectly sit on each branch and allow His beauty to be reflected in creation. I stand in awe of how creative and majestic God is and how He wanted to give His children beauty.

But the beauty didn't start in an ice storm, or the snow that followed. The beauty started over 2000 years ago when an angel appeared to a nervous teenage girl and told her she was going to give birth to a very special baby. The beauty came as her fiancé heard the story and accepted that his first born son wouldn't be his son, but the son of God sent to save the world, sent to save him. The brilliance of the beauty became brighter and fuller as the story played out. A tiny child born in a stable. A king whose throne was a manger. That is the beauty that I truly stand in awe of.

My mind and heart focus in on Mary. What was this she thinking and feeling? Did she know that the baby that she would hold in her arms would be the same man that out stretched His arms to save the world? Did she know that the tiny hands and feet that she kissed as she counted each finger and each toe, would one day have nails driven through them? What was she feeling? What did she anticipate?

Each day my heart and body experiences many different emotions. I usually wake up and lay in bed dreaming of what my life will look like in two weeks. When I get the courage to get up, I get excited about hearing the laughter of the children and the joy of the staff. I look forward to running from house to house meeting all the new children and hugging all the ones that I already know. I look forward to the stillness of evenings on the porch with a guitar and the brilliant stars that are so bright and beautiful. But then at some point in the day, I think about what I have to do in order to experience those things. Saying goodbye to family and dear friends who mean so much to me. Saying goodbye to clean water and warm showers. Saying goodbye to the freedom of getting in my car and going to a store and finding exactly what I want. But as my heart races and my eyes fill with tears, I remember the feelings. The feeling of a child's fingers wrapped tight around mine. The feeling of a child's hug. The sound of children yelling for me and running to me knowing that within my embrace is hope. My heart then remembers that as hard as it is to say goodbye to home, I have another home that is waiting for me.

I wonder if Mary felt that anticipation. Anticipation for a child that she knew was special. Anticipation for a whole new chapter in her life. Did her heart race? Did she experience fears and joys? Did she dream?

Today as I sit in my warm house looking over the perfect Christmas landscape, I pray that everyone around the world will have moments when they know their life was worth more than a young mother's dreams for her son.

Merry Christmas friends. May you feel God's warmth and love wrap around you today just like Jesus' hands wrapped around Mary's fingers and held her tight.