abandon and alone

My prayer for this trip was that God would break my heart for the things that break His. Everyday it seems He is stripping away more and more layers of Christina and I am feeling abandoned and alone. I know this is a process and one day it will all make sense, but right now it is very tough.

A 5 day old baby was just brought to BG. She was found in a garbage bag next to the dumpsters in town. How can someone just throw away a precious child? How can a person be trash? But then I am reminded of how many times I have ignored someone or pushed away one need because I didn't think it was worth my time. Through those acts, I put someone in a trash bag and treated them like garbage.

There are people all around us right now that need to be loved. The cashier at the grocery store, a student in your class, a family member and even that person in church that you always see. The list could go on and on. People are not garbage. Babies are not orphans. We are all children of the King of kings and Lord of lords. I personally have had to remind myself of that many times already on this trip. The transition time I have been told is the hardest and I hope so, because this doesn't feel so well.

I have seen glimpses of Heaven through conversations with people at BG. I have seen Jesus in the eyes of these kids. Today I was on the playground and 1 year old boy came and melted into my lap. He just held on to me with all his might as we sat. I was so hard to put him down when I had to leave and hear his cries as I walked away.

There is so much in Africa that is abandoned and alone. I pray each day I can feel more and more like the child on my lap. I pray I can sit in my Abba, Father's lap and trust him FULLY. I pray I can take all my fears and anxieties and melt them into my Daddy's nail scared hands.