"I Know"

On my fridge hangs a card and everyday I walk past it and smile.  On my trip to Beautiful Gate, in October of 2011, I was having an extremely emotional last day.  The whole trip I felt like I was sitting right in the palm of God's hand.  The second I got off the plane, I took a big deep breath of the African air and felt free.  While serving at Beautiful Gate, I felt peace.  Peace in going back and serving.  Peace in leading devotions with the team.  Peace in connecting with the staff at BG by hearing and seeing their hearts for these precious kids.  Most importantly, I felt peace in myself.  Peace that I was doing what I was suppose to do. 

The last day of the trip I had to say the emotional goodbyes.  I wasn't sure if I would ever be back at BG or when I would be back which children would still be there.  Saying goodbye to the kids is SO hard.  Unless you have done it, I am not sure you can know the grief that goes with it.  There was one goodbye that I did not want to make.  I did not want to say goodbye to my friends Bryan and Anita.  Throughout the trip the three of us had conversations that connected our hearts together in ways that we couldn't have imagined.  Anita, Bryan and I went to church together and knew who each were, but never really had a relationship until 2009 when Anita and I went to BG together for the first time.  It was then, that God broke our hearts for the things the break His and we became sisters in a journey.  Bryan joined the journey with us, when he visited BG while I was there on my 4 month stay.  Throughout the 2011 trip, we laughed, cried and lived a life that not many people understand or choose not to understand.  During our last morning together I did not want to say goodbye to the people who understand the brokenness of my heart.  As a team we gathered to pray, it was the first time of the trip I had to ask someone else to lead in prayer, because I couldn't get any words out.  We drove to the airport and then had to give each other that last hug.  As I started walking away, Bryan and Anita's daughter Faith handed me a card.  I didn't read it until I boarded the plane.  I opened up the card and written in the hand writing of a 6 year old who looks at life with God's glasses it said...

"Dear Miss Terp, I know you will be back to Africa. Have fun in Michigan. Love Faith."

 

 

I hung this card up to remind me that God has a plan and He spoke it to me through Faith's card.  At that time, there was no North Ambassador position for BG.  But through much prayer and dreaming by many people, His plan was formed.  Right now I am in a holding pattern, but in this time, I am taking Faith's advice to "Have fun in Michigan."  Right now I am raising my funds for the new position, but while I am doing this, I do not want to miss the experiences God has for me here.  I don't want to over look the conversations about life with people I have met along this journey. I do not want to miss the opportunity to make dinner for a friend. I do not want to miss talking with a friend whose heart breaks for the same things as me, but she serves differently by opening her home to children.  I do not want to miss the hours I spent this summer in a lawn chair laughing and dreaming about life with a friend.  I do not want to miss the moments of pure worship that I have with God, because it is in these moments that He is preparing me for things only He can. 

 

For the past 2 weeks, almost every time I get in my car, I hear the same song.  Sunday night in church, we sang that same song.  Today I prayed through the lyrics.

 

The sun comes up, it's a new day dawning
It's time to sing Your song again
Whatever may pass, and whatever lies before me
Let me be singing when the evening comes

Bless the Lord, O my soul
O my soul
Worship His holy name
Sing like never before
O my soul
I'll worship Your holy name

 

Through God's grace, may I continue to sing like NEVER BEFORE, because God knows His plans and His plans are great!

 

Please consider joining me in singing God's plans, by contributing to my missionary support. The information is listed on the side bar of this blog.


Grateful

Hello all, I am back to the world of blogging. I can't promise you how often I will post, but I want to use this blog as a way to keep my supporters and followers up to date with me and my new role at Beautiful Gate - Lesotho.

I just got back from a 2 week trip to BG with the girls varsity basketball team from Holland Christian High School. It was so amazing for me to experience Lesotho through 14 new pairs of eyes and stand in awe all over again of God's creation and the ways He continues to care for His people. While in Lesotho I was overwhelmed with the many things I take for granted in life. Everywhere I went I saw God's fingerprint and in those moments I needed to stop and thank Him for what He continues to do with His body.

I am grateful for the breath that fills my lungs and allows me to live life without being hooked up to an oxygen machine.

I am grateful for God's grace that takes away any sight of wrong and gives me the confidence to keep going.

I am grateful for new hearts that have been broken to God's plan of love and acceptance fro everyone He created.

I am grateful for families who desire to fight against child abandonment and welcome children into their family as their own.

I am grateful for clean water.

I am grateful that I am surrounded by people who understand my convictions and support me in bringing HOPE to these precious children.

I am grateful for missionary support that allows me to pursue the calling that God has on my life.

I am grateful for times of testing, because they make the desire to keep going on stronger and the joy of celebration richer.

I am grateful for laughter. Laughter through conversation. Laughter during board games. Laughter overflowing through life.

I am grateful for relationships that get stronger the longer they are apart.

I am grateful for the times my arms were full of children needing to be cuddled or played with because it just felt right.

I am grateful for you. I am grateful that you have taken the time to read this blog and join me in the fight to bring HOPE to so many people in this world.

May we all join together in loving on those around us. May we never forget how special God created all of us and gave us each a purpose and role in His Kingdom plan.

2 minutes

2 minutes...How much of a difference can 120 seconds make?

Until I reach my full funding goal, I have to continue to work at Starbucks. I started in 2007 and it has been a very interesting 5 years. One of the big points Starbucks pushes is "customer connection."  No matter what position you are working that day, you should have 2 minutes with each customer. In that 2 minutes you as the barista are asked to be friendly, enthusiastic and serving toward their needs. Now we all know there are moments when your patience is gone and it is very hard to but on the Starbucks smile, but when you put on the green apron, that is what you are to do. I never really thought about what those 2 minutes look like to the customer until this week.

Monday morning I was working my usual morning shift on the drive thru when I looked over and two of my co-workers had very shocked looks on their face. I asked what was going on and then someone said, "Glenn died." My heart sunk. All I remember is hearing the buzzer in my headset go off and I knew I was suppose to say something to the customer at the speaker box, but I couldn't remember what. Glenn and his wife Elaine are by far my favorite customers. (To all my regulars that may be reading this, you are all special, but they had a spark.) When I first started, Glenn and Elaine would come in together and get their drink. They always got the same drink, and to everyone at my store it is called "the Glenn." When they would walk in they would shine.  I always knew that God was the center of their life, just by watching them. As the years went on, Glenn would come in by himself and pick up a his order and then deliver it to Elaine at work. They loved each other with a love that goes beyond just a husband and a wife. They truly cared for each other with the love that comes straight from God's love to His children. Glenn and Elaine's life wasn't easy. They both lost their first spouse and maybe that is why they knew not to take one day forgranted. They were family to us. We knew when their children and grandchildren were in town and this past winter we all knew when their first great grand children were born twin girls. I remember telling Glen about my first trip to Africa and how I was so excited to get on the plane and go. His eyes lite up when I told him about working in an orphanage. Glenn told me that he went on a trip to Africa once and it changed the way he looked at others and life here in Michigan. I remember him warning me how much this trip was going to change me. When I came back from the two week trip, Glenn was always someone I could talk to about culture shock. He and Elaine were so excited to see me go to Africa for a longer term and sent me beautiful cards before I went encouraging me to surrender everything to God, so He could plan the trip. When I worked in another Starbucks after coming home, Glenn and Elaine still kept track of me.

Tuesday I had the opportunity to go and see Elaine. When the door opened, I saw my sister in Christ missing the love of her life. I saw the loneliness and the void. Elaine told me how much Glenn loved his coffee stops and how much he loved the staff. She encouraged me by saying how much he loved talking about Africa with me, because it helped him remember his trip.

This week I have been paying more attention to the 2 minutes I connect with a customer each day, but it goes beyond that. How are the 2 minutes you spend with your family in the morning? How are the 2 minutes you spend with the checkout employee at the store? How are the 2 minutes you spend with God on your drive to work each day? I never realized how important those two minutes were, until this week. After going to visitation tonight, it was clear how important they were to Glenn, because his children knew about his coffee stops.

Today Elaine walked into Starbucks without Glenn, but she wasn't alone. Because of all the 2 minutes we have spent with her, she is family and together we will journey through each day on earth until we get to see Glenn in heaven again.

Here I Am

There are moments in life that you want to slow down and take in every fiber of them.  There are also moments that you want to fast forward through and be done with.  Right now I am doing both, and the joy is I am finding God in both.

God has given me so much peace about my new role for Beautiful Gate.  He has shown me that every path I walked down in life has brought me to this place.  He has revealed Himself to me in ways that I have felt His provision and strength not only filling my body, but OVERFLOWING in my body. It is in these moments that I want to move slowly, so I don't miss any part of who God is and how is going to use me.

There are also moments I want to fast forward through, so I can be fulling working for Beautiful Gate, instead of juggling school, Starbucks and Beautiful Gate work.  I know the day will come when this will happen, and I am trusting that it will happen in His time, not mine.  But through juggling, I am able to share my journey with my classmates, co-workers and customers and through that, I am seeing God put more pieces in His puzzle of my life.

Above all, I want to make God smile. Psalm 40:7-8 says, "Then I said, 'Here I am, I have come—it is written about me in the scroll.  I desire to do your will, my God; your law is within my heart.'" This is where I am right now. I have said HERE I AM and now I desire to do God's will and nothing else.  

Today I had two fund raising events for Beautiful Gate.  One was a car wash and the other an auction/dinner.  My role was different in each.  The car wash was for my upcoming trip the the team from Holland Christian.  My role was easy...wash cars.  At the dinner, which was for another team from the Holland area that will be going in October, my role was to represent Beautiful Gate and share my heart by encouraging others to lead.  Tonight, I have to smile and praise God for the amazing day He has given me.  I still can't believe that this is the next chapter in my life and I am so honored to be a part of God's great plan.

Here am I Lord. Send me.

North American Ambassador for Beautiful Gate Lesotho

In October of 2009, I went on a two-week mission trip to a tiny country called Lesotho. I had no idea that after this trip to Africa, I would be spending the rest of my life advocating and caring for the fatherless children of Lesotho. Spending two weeks at Beautiful Gate Lesotho Child Care Center not only introduced me to the needs of these fatherless children, but it introduced me to God’s will for my life. Since that trip in 2009, I have taken multiple trips back to Lesotho, some just for a few weeks, but also a four-month stay as well. Through every trip God revealed to me a little more of His plan and design for me. In each trip He gave me confidence by showing me how I can use the gifts He has given me, not only to bring hope to the children of Lesotho, but also to bring glory to His name. He asked and I said, “Use me.”

Because of this, I have accepted the position as North American Ambassador for Beautiful Gate Lesotho. This role will entail me living part of the year in Lesotho and part of the year in North America. While in Lesotho, I will be assisting the Director with the current day-to-day operations, working with teams that come to serve, and other public relation duties. While in the United States, I will be speaking at churches, with individuals and organizations, promoting and raising funds for Beautiful Gate Lesotho. I will also be hosting fund-raising opportunities for Beautiful Gate Lesotho as well as coordinating volunteer teams to serve at Beautiful Gate.

I am honored to serve the beautiful children in Lesotho, but I need your help to make this possible. The North American Ambassador for Beautiful Gate Lesotho is a faith-based salary. Please consider how you can help me defend and care for the fatherless children of Lesotho by supporting the mission God has given me.

I wonder...

It is 10pm. In just a few hours I need to be up and ready for work, but I can't seem to sleep. For the past few weeks I have been waking up from a dream. It is hard to describe. I am not even sure you could call it a dream. I am in bed, freezing...I am back in Africa. I hear dogs barking and people yelling in a language I can not understand. Oh how I wish I knew what they were saying. A smell fills my nose and I wake up, but I still smell it. I can't even describe in words how bad the odor is, but I can tell you what it is. It is the smell of a 3 day old child found at the bottom of a toilet pit. I have been home for 9 months and I still smell him. The first thing we did when he came to BG was given him a bath. Even though he was bathed with soap and lathered with Vaseline, I still smell the odor of the pit.

As I lay here tonight, I wonder...

I wonder if his mother kept her promise when I handed him back to her. She said she would not do it again.

I wonder if he is still alive, how big is he. He has to be around 10 months old. He was so small when he came to us. So fragile.

I wonder if he is healthy.

I wonder if he is loved in the way every child should be.

I wonder how big his smile is, or if he smiles.

I wonder about the children at the bottom of the pits that are never found.

I wonder a lot of things, and then I pray.

I pray his mom kept her promise.

I pray he is big.

I pray he his healthy.

I pray he is loved.

I pray for the children at the bottom of the pit who now sleep in the arms of Jesus.

I also pray that by me writing this, I can sleep a little tonight.

A Year Ago

There are some days when it feels like I left for Africa yesterday and there are some days when I feel like it happened 10 years ago, but the fact is, I left for Africa April 7, 2010. The past few weeks I have been reflecting a lot about my time at Beautiful Gate. While there I learned one very important lesson...Jesus is enough for me. While caring for the children, I saw joy. While seeing those who have NOTHING, I saw joy. While having everything striped away, I experienced joy. Joy that you can't describe unless you have walked through it. Joy that came with the pain of caring for a child that just wouldn't eat and was extremely thin, or caring for a child that spent their first 3 days of life at the bottom of a 6 foot deep toilet pit. But it was also a joy that came with seeing 10 children united with their family. Seeing 10 moms meet their kids and watching them love them. Joy that comes, when that child eats, or when the scares from the bugs and feces have healed. Joy that can only come through the Father. Living in Africa and proclaiming that Jesus is enough for me is just one side of the story, another huge side is coming home and discovering life is completely different and finding yourself questioning again, is Jesus enough. Since being home I have walked through a lot of journeys that brought pain, confusion and joy. Since being home, I have walked a journey similar to the one I experienced in Lesotho. You see, since being home, I feel like I have been striped away of everything that seemed right, again. There were no more children calling out my name every morning. No more children expecting me to make them breakfast, get them dress and play with them. No more children to look for me when they got hurt and needed someone to hold them. Also, since being home, relationships are different. I experienced it right away, but was hoping it would change. I feel distant from people that I was extremely close with. I feel alone in a large group of people and try to find away out of social gathering I used to crave to be invited to. In Africa, it was easy for me to say that Jesus was enough, because He was all I had. When I returned home, it got harder to experience God the way I did in Lesotho and because of that I became distant from the purpose of my four months in Africa. I became distant from God. Then something happened, I got sick. I started feeling bad in September, but didn't want to alarm anyone, so I toughed it out until I couldn't anymore and on January 12, I walked into Holland Hospital and had surgery, but also had some work done on my heart. God striped away relationships, and he striped away health and the chance to give birth to my children and I believe he wanted me to be reminded of the questioned he asked in Africa. "Am I enough for you?" My answer is Jesus, you are more than enough. So here I am a year later and I am still journeying. I still have days when my arms feel so empty and I feel like a hypocrite handing out a $5 beverage at work, when there are millions of children dying from dirty water. There are moments when my heart is so heavy and I feel so alone, that I just can't breathe, but then God's still voice comes in and some how I know it will be okay. When Jesus appear to Mary Magdalene after the resurrection, she was so excited. I imagine she felt like life was going to be like it was. Jesus was back and his ministry would begin again. But He had other plans. Life wouldn't be like it was, He was not going to stay this time, but His ministry would go on. His ministry lives through you and me. Every time you smile at someone, you share God's love. Every time you comfort someone, you share God's compassion. Every time you take a moment and realize you are not in control and the person who is, is telling you everything will be okay, you are saying, "Jesus, you are enough for me." Life has been different the past year. In everything I know Jesus is more than enough and I know that life will never be like it was before I left for Africa. Even though there are moments when I feel completely alone and question what is next, I am trusting that God has a plan, because I know...Jesus is enough.